Seasonal affective disorder used to be considered separate from major depressive disorder, but it no longer is. It all just comes down to timing. You either have MDD with or without a seasonal pattern. Symptoms of depression include:
- fatigue
- hopelessness
- guilt
- lack of motivation
- lack of interest in things you used to love
- isolating yourself
- unintentional weight gain or loss
- craving carbs and sugar
- mood swings
- forgetfulness
- thoughts about suicide or self harm
If you are experiencing these symptoms and feel you may have MDD reach out to a therapist if you can, CBT, mindfulness, behavioural activation and medication can work wonders.
It is most commonly known that seasonal depression, or seasonal affective disorder is caused by the shorter days in fall and winter, however, it is also strongly influenced by your serotonin and melatonin levels and linked to your circadian rhythm, meaning it is very linked to our sleeping patterns.
Since I was probably about 14, I have experienced depressive episodes, and they have gotten longer the older I get. For the most part, the worst of it is seasonal. It hits me the worst in January and February, but October and November can be pretty bad too. Now I’m not saying that the rest of the year is fine, I can have a depressive episode at any time of the year, but it is certainly worse when the weather gets dreary, and then the sun comes out and I feel like I’ve been being overdramatic for the last few months.
The trouble with depressive disorders is that the things that help you get out of them (exercise, eating healthy, taking a shower, having healthy sleeping patterns, reaching out to others) are the things that feel the most impossible and the things that make it worse when you don’t do them.
Below is a song I wrote during the worst of my last depressive episode about a month or two ago. I can remember feeling that way and I probably will again, but for now, I’m doing ok for whatever reason, be it sun or therapy or both, and just trying to appreciate that.